“Anna, do you have any articles that touch on behavioral euthanasia?”
It’s from a question about a rescue horse in trouble. Initially, things went well enough but now there is unusual pasture activity, unprovoked aggression toward other horses, and the issues continue to escalate. A horrible fit of extreme bucking resulted in the rider not being hurt too badly, this time, but seemed to leave the horse strangely shaken. There have been dental checks, a chiropractor, and repeated vet visits. No expense has been spared, all ideas exhausted, and the horse continues to struggle. Two vets support the idea of behavioral euthanasia.
Euthanizing for reasons of behavior is more commonly talked about in the dog world (here is a good blog on it) and I’ve written about a hard decision I made on a two-year-old Corgi rescue. Heartbreaking but maybe more understandable for dogs? It’s a question that comes up for our horse rescue organization from time to time and it requires serious consideration for each horse, each time. It’s always the last resort.
Is behavioral even the right word? Is the horse doing something that can be untrained? Keep in mind that the only way a horse has to tell us he’s in pain is with his behavior. Normal horses don’t exhibit extreme behaviors for no reason. It’s always pain of some kind. Add on top that this is a rescue horse with an unknown history.
Most rescue horses work out just fine, given up for innocent reasons; their owner died or couldn’t afford them. No harm. Some come to rescue with bad habits that good trainers straighten out and the horses go on to be valued in new homes. Most rescue placements are positive for both sides.
But the extreme minority may show issues that can’t seem to be righted. Perhaps a horse has a degenerative condition that hasn’t been diagnosed but has progressed now. Neglect can damage organs and bad training can cause mental instability. Or maybe there is a perfect storm of issues that add up to a mess impossible to separate. I still can’t feel good about calling it behavioral if pain is the motivating factor for the horse. No blame on vets, I’ve lost count of the horses brought to me for training that I was certain were having pain or ongoing lameness, only to have the vet say, “Nothing that I can find.” It’s a careful sentence, saying exactly what’s intended. It doesn’t mean the horse is sound or pain-free. Then the owner has a choice, to go further with other vets and more testing, or try to manage as long as possible.
Can a horse have a mental disorder? Perhaps a chemical imbalance, or could a horse have a mental disability? How much do we not know about these questions?
Then, can we talk about the unspeakable? How much money is too much? May I be the unromantic voice of reason? Some of us will spend as much on a lameness issue as others of us make in a year. Do you have a small herd? Can you risk their ongoing welfare on one horse? I will never say that a competition horse is worth more than a rescue, but it’s never the responsibility of the owner to go into profound debt, no matter the horse. You don’t need to apologize, you took a horse in and you probably will again. When it’s time to make a decision based partly on finances, there is no shame. Because all the money in the world can’t heal what has gone beyond our knowledge.
It’s about now that a railbird lets you know you are a quitter. It’s a friend who tells you she would never give up, never euthanize, that it’s always the wrong answer. This person is not your friend. For the depths you have gone to for this horse, let this superficial twit who knows everything float away on her own chatter. Railbirds exist to challenge our integrity, at the expense of their own. No one knows what you know; no one can do more for your horse than you, as much as you wish it. Walk away.
Can you rehome the horse? Please don’t. You got lucky so far, you haven’t been hurt badly. Your dog is still alive. Knowing how hard it is for a horse to go to a new home, are you certain that it won’t make him worse? That it hasn’t happened to your horse a couple of times already.
What if he falls into the wrong hands; what if he must prove himself “not right” again and again? But the next time, what if he hurts himself badly? Can you live with yourself if he hurts another person? Maybe that place won’t have the meager money you have for vet bills and he might be left to fend for himself, maybe a grinding death through painful and slow starvation. Considering that, would he be lucky to land on a truck to Mexico? What if all the possibilities are dark and sad and his pain is the only bright-hot moan in the night?
There are so many things are worse than death, if horses even think about it. They live in the moment so there’s little equine philosophizing. It’s always our issue, and wrong to let our perceptions get in the way of a horse’s reality. What do we know? If this horse was in the wild, it’s possible that predators would have resolved this question long ago, with his understanding.
For domestically owned horses, we have to become the kind predator. Amid the loud jangling din of all sides, the endless worry and the wish for a better solution, in some quiet corner of your mind, you know. At a still time of the day, the sunset may remind you that the circle of life can appear to die but circle around back again, unbroken. You don’t have to stop loving him to stop his suffering.
It takes no special skill to love a horse, but to do it well will eventually break your heart. And make you stronger for your next horse because that’s what it means to not quit.
…
Anna Blake at Infinity Farm
Join us at The Barn, our online training group at annablake.com
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This is the hardest of all.
Amen.
A voice above the clamor. Horses everywhere thank you.
This is so beautifully written and important. I think the part about rail it’s and saying that you know in a quiet corner of your heart eased an ache I’ve been feeling for a long time.
Thank you with love Anna.
No one knows better than the one who shares that horse’s space. Thankyou, Debra.
I’m sure you know more than you’d like on the topic… thank you.
You make me catch my breath sometimes. No one, and I read a lot, can speak to the truth of a hard matter as clearly, cleanly -with love- as you. Thank you for saying it all. No veils, no sweet euphemisms. Just the kind, full truth.
As always, so grateful for you.
Thanks, Deb. I’ve had too much time to think about it maybe.
Wow. Thank you. I’m a new horse owner, and though I’ve loved them from afar all my life, the up close and personal view has to include the deep commitment to their well being that goes way beyond feeding and brushing and adoring them. Your understanding, one that comes out of years of time spent from the beginning to the end of animals’ lives, is so valuable to me. I think I avoid the hard questions that haven’t happened to me yet, but I deeply appreciate your willingness to face them with me.
Spare a small thought, kind of like a grain of poison a day… none of them get out alive. Thanks, Susan. May you have wonderful luck.
Re Behavioural Euthanasia.
I’ve seen b., changes arise from:
1. Magnesium added to diet,
2. X-rays on hooves and lower limbs reveal unbalanced trim making joints angled – a balanced trim and re-x-Ray (this horse went from aggressive to a pussy cat),
3. Brain tumour found later.
(Three different horses .)
I wonder if someone who understands acupuncture meridians may find something through touch investigation?
(An example, Dr Kerry Ridgeway DVM had put up a video on YouTube of a horse with shoulder pain issues.)
I’ve had great Chiro/acupuncture help, too. Thanks, Betty Ann
I believe someone said Kerry Ridgeway passed awhile back. He was wealth of information and talent. Tom Mayes does amazing work too! He cranial alignment too. Most vets don’t X-ray for kissing s spine. The pain from that can cause extreme behavior issues. If it’s a mare, endocrine conditions are often overlooked/not tested for. I wish them (horse and owner) the best. God Bless
I also wonder about the behavioral changes due to possible PSSM. There are so many variants to the diagnosis types. It seems as if it’s easily missed or mistaken for something else.
So well written.
Thank you, Laurie Ann
I am not a horse owner but love horses and follow your blog to educate myself on horses. You wrote “There are so many things are worse than death, if horses even think about it. They live in the moment so there’s little equine philosophizing. It’s always our issue, and wrong to let our perceptions get in the way of a horse’s reality” that spoke to me the hardest of all!
Thanks, Wilma. We do share so many things with horses, but the things we don’t share need to be mentioned, too.
<3
🙂
Thank you for this….most accept the notion that there are no bad horses just bad owners, but that does make sense as we know humans have mental defects as may dogs so why not horses. My first horse had many behavioral issues. She was dangerous in certain situations. Even my vet recognized something wasn’t right. We learned to trust each other, and I gave her a good life but I was concerned that if anything happened to me that if she was rehomed she would hurt someone.
In the end after many years I recognized her sight had totally deteriorated and she was living in a fearful world…it was hard to put down an otherwise healthy horse but I believe in the end letting her go gave her freedom. I know there were people who thought I was giving up to soon.
Kindness is not giving up… and such a heartfelt comment. Thank you, Michele.
This really needed to be written, Anna. When I was a kid with my first horse, I boarded her at a little barn – the owner bought & sold horses. I do remember one – a really pretty strawberry roan with white stockings. I rode her once. She would rear & lunge forward. Which someone tried to “fix”. I’m sure she went on to a bad place or maybe several where someone else tried to fix her. Because back then there wasnt an attempt to find out why – only to “break” the habit (or the horse). As anyone of us who has been around horses over the years – I saw much that still bothers me – mostly what was done TO the horses. I know you & others here have been there too. I think things are better for horses and dogs now. Mostly.
I agree, Maggie. Not perfect, but better than in the past. Thanks.
Thank you!
You’re welcome, Caroline
Other comments have said it better, so the only words I can find are Thank You.
Thanks, Celeste.
Crying.
Sorry, Patty. Best wishes.
So very well said. Thank you.
Thank you for reading, Susie.
A difficult concept for many humans to accept. Such irony in the root of the word “humane”. Your words leave little to debate. Thank you. Again & again.
Irony is right. Thanks SueAnn
Good answer ..
Thank you, Kalee.
Aluminum or other toxicity. Have a mane hair as analysis done
Yes, Kit, thanks. Sometimes. I’m glad you had good luck with that.
Your answer is vague as to whether you have tried the hair analysis. I work with this company and they can recommend treatment for humans and animals for imbalances at the cellular level through hair analysis testing. It would be worth looking into: https://www.advancedbiocell.com/
Thanks for a thoughtful and compassionate article!
Thanks, Susan. Like most of us, I use every option, including hair analysis. Thanks for the link. And even then, as helpful as a hair analysis is, there are things it does not resolve… My goal in this blog was to talk about a related topic, behavioral euthanasia, because of an email I got. Thanks again.
Thanks for writing and posting this, Anna. I like your paragraph about railbirds-the knowitalls who are always ready to cast about their opinions. In the end, it is up to the owner to make the final decision, no matter how difficult it may be. The final decision, made with love, is the one that should govern the outcome.
It’s a cutting truth that the hardest part can sometimes not be the horse… Thanks, Susan
You brought up our role of predators as caregivers which is such an odd tension. But after getting out of my head from that journey I come back to the ultimate question, “What is the horse’s best interest?”
I mean that word in all of its good connotations and bad… it isn’t the worst thing. Thanks, Joan.
These are such wise words Anna I have seen people spend thousands of dollars trying to “fix” a horse only to end up injured themselves.
Hard to know where to draw the line… hindsight is the worst. Thanks, Shari.
Deb Odom expressed what I was going to write. And, yes, the hardest question that you answered with wisdom and love. Thank you.
Horses always deserve our best, even at the worst. Thanks Jeannetta.
A very difficult topic Anna. I’ve never owned a horse like the one you’ve described, but there was a very troubled horse in Buck, the film about Buck Brannaman. This horse was raised from a foal as a house pet by a well-intentioned person, and the horse never had the opportunity to learn how to be a horse from other horses. In the film, the horse attacked and bit the face of one of Buck’s assistants during a training session. I asked Buck about this horse during one of his clinics, and he said the horse was much more dangerous than was depicted in the movie. In such a situation, euthanasia might be the right answer for the horse and the human. Thank you for having the courage to discuss this.
I have some mixed feelings about how that was portrayed, but I’ve known too many of these horses. Thanks, Paul.
I saw the film too and thought about that horse after reading todays blog. Really bothered me knowing that there are many many instances of decisions that should be made for the welfare of the horse AND humans – knowing that these decisions are far from easy – but then sending the horse “down the road” so that hes someone else’s problem.
A friend had a mare who would strike out, completely unprovoked, and often at nothing at all. She had multiple videos of the mare standing relaxed one moment, ears at half-mast, droopy-lipped, the next instant ears pinned, head snaking, teeth bared. It was one of the scariest things I’ve ever seen. When they autopsied the mare, it turned out she had a brain tumor.
I once owned a gelding with headshaking syndrome. Despite medication (so much medication, so many supplements, we tried EVERYTHING), being kept in a dark barn with a special mask on, etc, he was in so much pain he couldn’t eat during the day. He bashed his face bloody. He was dangerous to handle because he would “black out” when a wave of pain hit him and sling his head, often accidentally hitting his handler. We simply couldn’t manage his pain enough for him to even be a horse – euthanizing him was the kindest thing we could do.
So yes. It may be “behavioral” but I agree, the root cause seems to be pain. And there’s no shame in taking that pain away – sometimes it’s the best thing we can do, for everyone.
Thanks, Jen, for your comment. And your compassion.
Thank you for your wise words and kind thoughts. There is so much we don’t know about what the horses are going through.
That’s the big part of it, I think. Thanks, Anne.
This is beautifully written and sad. I am so sick and f***ing tired of the railbirds and asshats who know everything. I have a tiny Sanctuary that I hope to someday grow that and be able to take in more horses. It’s just me at this point as my husband isn’t a horse person. A friend of mine here in Klamath Falls, OR warned me that some horse people can be just plain mean and catty. I thought that only happened with show people and the like…I was wrong. Thank you for your blog, your compassion, and your voice. I love reading your thoughts.
Asshats. I love that word. And no, in my experience show people are fun. I sure was. But this is a different kind of cruel… Good luck and thanks, Deven.
Nope allot of horse women are just bat shit crazy…. I just put down my rescue arab. She was small 13’2 700lbs. She would be fine one second and bat shit crazy the next. Not making her a suitable children’s horse or cart horse. Im a retired trainer and worked with her tirelessly for 6 months before coming to terms something wasnt right and she would be dangerous hurting herself or someone else. I couldnt live with myself if a child was hurt by her. My vet who is my close friend understood i didnt want to see her passed around and eventually on a truck to mexico so we put her down yesterday. I told my friend in texas my decision she told me i didnt try enough and the horse would have been better off with her and her grandkids. Ok thats fine then when she kills or hurts one of your grandkids or yourself you would have done the same……. horse people are assholes……
I see no reason why horses couldn’t suffer from mental illness just as we do. I adopted a Thoroughbred yearling filly a few years ago — she came from a very reputable small breeder but was swaybacked, so they decided she was not destined for the Yearling Sale (or a racing career) and just wanted a knowledgeable sport-horse home for her. While her compatriots had been brought in and handled and fussed over as prep for the sale, Trixie stayed out in the field, mostly left to her own devices (with a few mares for company). So I attributed her flightiness and fearfulness, when she first arrived at my place, to sheer inexperience. But as she matured, despite all my patient daily handling, and the good examples from the other horses around her, she was never able to relax or trust me beyond the bare minimum of domesticity (though I think she was *slightly* less suspicious of my motives than she was of the rest of humanity). Her whole life, she behaved like a horse who had been abused. I knew for a fact that she never had been, certainly not by me, and not by her excellent breeder. She also just seemed to have trouble processing and retaining new lessons of any kind; where most horses have excellent memories and can connect the dots, Trixie seemed just as surprised (and horrified) every single time I put down a trotting pole for her to longe over. I got her backed, but barely … after she exploded and hurt a (very competent) student of mine, two years in to her supposed education under saddle, by lawn-darting her into the ground, we didn’t try again. She was every bad cliche of a chestnut Thoroughbred mare ever, but it went far deeper than that. I joked with my vet that I needed a legitimate medical reason to put her down … and gawd laughed and gave Trixie a persistent sinus infection, winter before last, that resisted every increasingly-invasive treatment (as did Trixie) and turned out to be fungal (read: no medical treatment). She would not have tolerated the trip to the U of Guelph, nor the surgery to open a bone flap and basically scrape out her skull, nor the extended recovery time. And so Trixie breathed her last here at home with me, though I suspect my presence and my quiet tears were not soothing to her in the least. I told her I appreciated her for what she was, understood what she could not be, and that I was sorry I had not been able to help make her more comfortable in her own skin. She was only seven, and I still feel like a total failure, because it was in essence a behavioural euthanasia despite the medical rationale for it. But she was never a horse who could have been in the hands of an amateur, and she was always going to have the potential to hurt people — because I don’t think she was quite right, mentally, through no fault of her own.
And we don’t know her pain. Sorry, Karen, and at the same time, well done. Thanks for this comment.
I remain confident that her pain didn’t stem from her swaybacked conformation. I was very thorough about investigating that before I ever put tack on her (or indeed, before I agreed to take her). It was a blanket- and saddle-fitting challenge but not a disability. The pain between her ears, though — whether it was true mental illness, a brain tumour, or a learning disability (possibly all three??) — that, I couldn’t help her with, and it remains a real regret.
I hear you… sorry.
Anna, you are right of course, and I say that while looking out the window at our retired gelding whose chronic pain is moving him quickly toward the point of needing a ‘predator’. Yet I can’t tell you how many people have suggested rehoming him, either as a pasture pet or emotional support animal (ugh, do not even get me started on that topic) and I look at them like they’ve grown horns.
Henry deserves far better than that. He deserves an unsentimental owner who will face the reality of his need and not grow weak because it’s too hard.
When the time comes, my heart will simultaneously break and soar.
It’s the last (and I believe the best) gift I can give him.
Sigh. It is the best and he does deserve it. Thanks for letting it happen in his safe place, Cindy.
Thank you Cindy for loving your Henry enough to keep him with you and set him free when the time comes. I honor your bravery!
Well written and not an easy subject to discuss. Thank you for writing on this subject that is not discussed nearly enough.
Thanks, Melodie
Well, you deserve much of the credit for alerting us to his pain. When you ate dinner with Joe and I at an Oregon clinic last May, you were kind enough to watch a video of him in the pasture and confirm that he was indeed in pain and should be retired–and you didn’t mince words.
We are so grateful for your willingness to speak out on Henry’s behalf, and I know he’s just one of many horses on this planet who have benefited from your advocacy. <3
Not my favorite part of the job, thank you.
Well, you deserve much of the credit for alerting us to his predicament. When you ate dinner with Joe and I at an Oregon clinic last May, you were gracious enough to watch a video of him in the pasture and confirm that he was indeed in pain and should be retired–and you didn’t mince words.
We are so grateful for your willingness to speak out on Henry’s behalf, and I know he’s just one of many horses on this planet who have benefited from your advocacy. <3
very difficult subject this. I think rescue horses are as you stated; usually dumped for financial reasons; or because people buy horses they are not capable of training because they aren’t trained themselves; or won’t spend the money to have someone else do it for them and then remain under supervision with lessons etc. Horses are not bikes or motorcycles or cars… But some go to rescue from someone REALLY messing them up…. I truly believe most horses are “sane”. Those that aren’t usually don’t get to reproduce much to this point and pass on the genes. But not saying it’s not possible. There are horses that are NEARLY irretrievable because they’ve learned to rear; back up; twist; buck and head for the mirrors or the walls; etc. to dislodge their riders – and all that takes fixing of a kind most are not qualified to do. I had one like that. He came to me that way; I was his last chance. I did my best and a french trainer from SAMUR really fixed it..but he remained aware of his powers so it was always a threat I had to quash fast or he’d revert. In the end he had a mysterious lameness never diagnosed. I think horses can be ruined like children…made desperate and angry and terrified and unable to trust again. Some could be saved with allot of work…allot…and with someone really really experienced with dangerous horses. But most don’t get that chance, end up in Kill Pens.
I believe that horses will work through pain, but the pain always rings in the background… I think pain is an ingredient in extreme behaviors and I, too, have trained them to ignore the pain as best they can. I think about that a lot. Great comment, thank you, Linda.
Whew – you clearly touched some hearts here, Anna. We’ve all been there, in one way or another. I have seen exactly what you described in unexplained but surely-pain-based, drastically changed behavior. He happened to be at the horse rescue and had been fine, but then … quarantine, testing, testing and still no explanation. So, he was put down, too and I agreed with it. It was just so clear that he didn’t understand what was going on either, both confused and seemingly miserable.
In this post, you have managed to both assuage some of our guilt and remind us of our responsibility to do the best we can for our horses. Thank you – dang.
I was tippy-toeing. Thanks, Cheri.
Gosh…. what a wonderful article about a very sensitive subject both in the horse and dog world. It’s not always a happy ending (in our minds) when ‘we’ take on rescue animals but I agree wholeheartedly with you, every case should be viewed and understood on its own merits. Sad, but in some cases unavoidable and maybe the kindest thing to do for the animal in question. Brilliant Anna as usual…
Thank you, Frances. Nothing to get complacent about…
Well said. I lived this decision. It wassad but in the end I have no doubt I did the right thing.
It’s the bittersweet truth of living with horses. Thanks, Anna-Maria.
I was young and leaving the country. My folks didn’t have much money and were not horse people at all. Lots of money was spent to find out she must have scratched her eye and became blind b/c of it. I sold her to the local guy and made him promise to sell her to a good home. With the knowledge that comes with experience and age, I should not have sold her to him. I pray daily that she was put down immediately rather than being shipped to Canada or Mexico. My heart breaks daily for what I had inadvertently done and feel guilty every day. If I was wiser I would have put her down to save her myself. I cry as I write this. Please forgive me Shi.
So sorry, and you did the best you knew. That’s what mattered. Next time you will know more, but please try to let go of the pain of this. I know your horse has and she knew your intention. She doesn’t hold a grudge. Thanks for commenting, you have our love.
Thank you Anna . Well said.
Thanks, Bryan
Going thru this now with a well bred 8 yr old. Multiple vets, at the retraining stage, if that fails my next choice is to donate a sound of body heart horse to a vet school?
Here’s hoping for a better result, I know you will do the very best you can for your horse. Thank you for considering a gift ahead to others…Thanks, Pat.
Good morning….afternoon….middle of the nite I think.
I think you have many gifts and once again your timing is spot on.
Less than twelve hours ago we made the decision to help our dear long eared friend Eleanor go. She was the donkey I asked your help with and you told me to “ listen deeply” …. she ever so patiently and ever so slowly helped me understand what that meant to a donkey. Eleanor had been a roping donkey…..then she was the friend of an autistic boy who loved her for many years…for the last eight years she has helped a small herd of Fjords, Draft and other assorted characters with there manners. She has taught me manners also.
So deep breath and a long Yess , Kim Griffin
I guess most of us have been there – at least once – with a horse, dogs, cats – so many. But every time is the first time with that particular creature. So sorry – Eleanor sounds like such a beautiful friend. Thats the responsibility we who care for animals owe them and thats our promise to them – as hard as it is for us.
What a full life, and being a rope donkey is a special kind of hell…well done that she could have something for us after that. Bless Eleanor on her way, I am sorry for your loss.
Great article. Thank you. You mentioned that pain is always the underlying cause. I think pain can certainly be the basis as can other nonpain-related medical issues. Ovarian cyst and functional tumors are an example of this.
Yes, Nancy, I so agree. And that ovarian cyst issue matters so much.Big impact on behavior but not so much pain…I think that’s what you mean. Good point.
Great post Anna! And especially valuable coming from someone with direct, repeated experience of this.
I think there’s also room in this topic for a look at the initiating reason WHY we have horses? And to get clarity (without judgement or shame) on that. Because horses are so costly (in most parts of the world), money is often a (the?) significant factor in the equation.
If I say, “The reason I’m willing to spend so much money on a horse is because the horse must be able to perform X task for me.” And then I realize there’s no way this horse is capable of X. Then that leaves only 2 options: Re-homing or death. What “X” is, doesn’t matter. It could be riding, jumping, equine therapy, dressage, cuddle-buddy, etc. You’ve covered these 2 options in your post and others have pointed out the dangers/difficulties of re-homing in the Comments.
On the other hand, if I say, “When I purchase a horse, that horse has a forever home, no matter what.” Then when a horse displays the unceasing difficult/dangerous behaviours you’ve talked about, the remaining option is to pay for the horse to live in a compatible herd on 100 acres or so, where the horse can just BE. The horse remains under my protection and legal ownership, but I make no demands and have no expectations. A horse who doesn’t have to interact or be touched by a human, and is with safe herd members (test for compatibility, introduce very slowly, giving horse plenty of time to adjust, make sure herd density is low) will often (usually?) cease to be dangerous.
Unless you’re in a very crowded area in Europe, this option is not going to cost more than keeping the horse at a local boarding facility. If you have your own land, and zero money for boarding, then is there a way for the horse to stay but be left alone? If not, then we’re back the the values question.
I realize this option is not usually talked about, or even considered due to the financial aspect vs. perceived lack of benefit to the human. But if congruence is our goal, then simply identifying where we stand on this, what our values are, what our motivations are, can bring worthwhile clarity.
Jini, great comment and point well taken. I have several who fit the type you mention, and I think many of us have some pasture dwellers in the same way. Our rescue rehomes many horses with “no work purpose” and I love living at a time when there is pasture for those. My father would have never allowed a “useless” animal. I think this needs to be mentioned and in my travels, I see many. I am thrilled to say… And your point is well taken.
Fathers…. it drives mine nuts that a) I have so many horses and b) that only 1 is rideable, “What are you DOING with 11 horses that just stand around and eat all day??” Of course, the odd time he comes out, he is fascinated with them and during the recent integration of 5 new wild mustangs to the herd I couldn’t even get him to leave the field (ummm safer on the other side of the fence, Dad). But yes, it’s certainly a growing trend and glad to hear you’re seeing more and more of it. No one ever says, “Why do you have a dog you can’t ride?” or “What’s the point of rescuing a lion if you can’t ride it??”
I think even a lot of people with horse experience have absolutely no concept that there is pleasure and enjoyment galore just to see them being horses and being around them – horses or other animals really dont need humans to give them a purpose – that is true whether they are domestic or wild.
That transition for tool to partner is a jump too far for some…
omgoodness….crying again. We looked at a horse that we had worked with, in multiple directions, for over five years. The behavior was so vicious and bad… sigh – we did pain (vet, chiro,teeth, diet, etc), training (natural, traditional, old,new), food, natural, outside help and millions of hours of research. We just searched and searched and searched without giving up and often with many hours of heartache trying to get to the bottom of it – to give him a life of delight and joy that all horses deserve. It just wasn’t happening. He tried to kill everything…. dogs, chickens – and yep even the biscuit of hay…thing is it also included humans. What we found the most bothersome and worrying is that he would often “spring” a surprise on you without the warning flick of an ear, tension, weight shifting, tail flick etc… he would walk up to you all soft and then just lash out front feet, back feet, teeth, body weight – he used ALL manner of techniques. And it never eased…. he was a fairly high end dressage horse… and we poured money into him constantly and that included companion horses (which he tried to pound into oblivion as well). We had to remove them into a paddock next to him for their safety. He never wanted equine company or human or sheep or ……. it was the weirdest thing i have seen in 45 years of horse ownership. He was very perturbing but sooooo heart breaking. Long road to the decision to Euthanize…. He was our responsibility. God gave him into our care and regardless of his training we could NOT sell him on, not ever. He almost beggard us. Sold my house, the 4WD, The float…. and we poured money into him. It comes to a time where there is nothing else to give and he couldn’t be sold on to another home. Heart breaking… for him and us. I often have a few tears, even now a few years later…. that any creature on earth could find it so hard to just “be”. He was so screwed up and i dont know how or why and i was able to help him. I felt i had failed him. I still do. The emotional part of my feels like i failed him, but the reasoning part of my knows that we did so much more than humanly possible to fix issues we couldnt get to the bottom of. We still have his companion… a darling rescue that we (once again) know nothing of – but he is sweet, quirky, soft and gentle. I take away so many lessons and so much heartache from the 5 years of owning that horse……. but still i would trade all that in – to have him back as a happy and sound horse. Some things…….. we wish……… and we ache…… but just wasnt to be.
Kerriann, thanks so much for this comment. Such a good example. We do owe them our best try, but he was dangerous and love doesn’t heal everything… thank you for your valor in fighting for him, bless your best memory of him. And he might be in a place now where he is free of pain. I could be telling myself stories, but I believe that. Again, thank you for sharing, and making the point that euthanizing isn’t the easy way out at all.
On the website http://www.konnectionsonline.com is my Natural Horse magazine article about the Brain Rebalancing that Chris Treml does for humans and animals. She is able to rewire the brain of many who have behavior problems, thus enabling them to process and respond to information. One of her explanations is “transposed hemispheres” when the mind is trying to process info using the wrong ‘side’ of the brain. People report humans and animals having major changes in proprioception, thinking, and handling stress. I saw several horses whose behavior improved dramatically from one treatment. Chris has also worked on animals whose “wiring” was damaged beyond her ability to repair it.
Thank you.
I wonder if he had a brain injury – from collision, severe pull-back, rearing, fight, etc? His behaviour sounds like some humans I’ve read about after a brain injury. I even know a woman (a psychotherapist) who ended up divorcing her husband of 25 years because there was NOTHING they could do that worked to help or heal him after his brain injury. If you couldn’t even put him out to pasture/retire with another horse or goat etc, then there’s truly no other option for any quality of life.
Have you considered an EFT Tapping session to allow yourself to forgive yourself and release him? Or perhaps an animal communication session would bring release? Your logical mind knows you did everything – but sounds like your body and emotional body need release from this trauma.
Jini, I had a horse here for brain injury evaluation, and there isn’t much research on the topic, but I think about it a lot… Thank you.
My sister had a mare that started getting aggressive, and quite irritable. They found tumors on her reproductive organs. They removed them and she lasted quite a few more years, finally passing from cancer that I suspect metastasized from the original site. On another note, my best horsey friend and I have our first ownership of horses. My Appaloosa is only 8 years old, and I have had him for 1.5 years. I have dealt with gastric ulcers, minor abscess of the hoof, saddle fit issues that resulted in bucking, and now kissing spines. He exhibited aggression, biting me twice. I couldn’t groom him in certain areas, I was unable to clean all hooves (and I still can’t). He had surgery 3 weeks ago for the kissing spines. During this time people kept telling me that “he’s got your number”, “he is testing you” and that I was basically doing it wrong. I knew my horse. I knew there was something more to it, and every time, I was unfortunately right. I felt like I was looking for problems, but the last time I rode him he bucked and reared without much warning when in the trot. Now, I am faced with rehab, and if he is un-ridable, I will consider putting him down. I don’t want him in anyone else’s hands. I don’t want anyone to get hurt, let alone myself. I face the guilt, the pain, but as you said, I will know when or if it is time. I cannot, nor do I want, a pasture pet. I feel so selfish. But if I keep him, I can’t have my family and I out to ride. I can’t afford more than one horse. I love my horse so deeply that it actually surprises me, but I want to spend time trail riding and not worrying. I don’t want to constantly fight with him to establish myself as leader. I get tired of him trying to nip me. It is so much work, it isn’t fun anymore. I am an ICU nurse, a mother of 3 and a wife. I have spent my entire life taking care of others, and lost my mother to suicide after my brother did the same 6 months before, I ran a household in my teens. I just wanted something for me, for once in my life. Such selfish thoughts! Can I allow myself this pleasure of horse back riding? I pray for a successful rehab!
Yes, you can. Good luck on the rehab and good luck for your horse. For all of the advice thrown about, in the end, it is no one’s choice but yours. Railbirds can chatter…
Update: I am enjoying my horse, walking along side him, and riding on him as well. His surgery was successful in decreasing his pain and he no longer bites. We have been through more hurdles. Always, and I mean always, top of the herd even mounting other geldings! Hormone levels all checked out normal. The vet, chiropractor, massage therapist and farriers all mention that he is “active”, “busy”, “ADD”. Feed adjustments? Done. Supplements? Done. I think there were too many horses there. I board him at a smaller barn, pasture by himself, keep him working, change up those routine frequently and constantly remind him I am boss and to pay attention to my space. I accept him for who he is, we have a good partnership. His surgery didn’t fix all of the spine, but I will know when it is time to make the hard decisions. Right now, though, life is good, and my teenage daughter rides him too. He is a very well-behaved gentleman under saddle, a completely different horse!
Wow, congrats and well done. You went the extra mile. Thanks, Sandy. Hooray
Thank you. I still feel guilt and shame for having horses put down when I had been over the rights and wrongs of it a thousand and one times before I called the vet. Those feelings, I think, are just part of the checks and balances that stop us from becoming hasty or callous.
At the same time, I agree with you that there are many things that are worse than being dead. People who believe that euthanasia is never the right answer are doing damage.
There are always critics who think they have an answer to every question, but in the end…no one who makes a decision to euthanize does it with a light heart. It’s never the first choice…
Wonderful piece on a very hard topic. Rescue or not, it is often excruciating to figure out when enough is enough. And you always wonder about if there was something more you could have done. It isn’t true what some say, that “you’ll know when it’s time.” Would that life could be that simple or love that straightforward.
Gosh, do I agree. “you know when it’s time” is trite and I don’t believe it. I think we know when it’s past time, but it is always the last worst thing. Thanks, Therese.
The best trainer I know — a man who is truly gifted and has helped countless horses — was once given a horse that was dangerous and could not be made safe to ride no matter what the owner did. After every possible physical test was done to try to rule out pain, this trainer worked with the horse at great length and found that if he could be consistent and work with the horse every single day, the horse got to a point where this trainer (and he alone) could ride it. However, as a busy trainer who has many away clinics, he was not home every day. He found that if he left this horse for even a few days, he was back to square zero, the horse behaving as if he hadn’t been worked with at all and bucking so fiercely that even he (a former bull rider) could sometimes not stay on. He decided to just let the horse live out his life in the pasture with other horses, but the horse was not okay in that situation either. He was a nervous wreck, basically all the time. Had he been able to just “be” and live out his life in peace with the other horses, the trainer would have given him that life. Sadly, the trainer made the incredibly painful decision to put the horse down, for the horse’s sake, as it was clear that he was suffering mentally — no one knows why. I personally believe that some animals, just like some people, may have things going on in their brain that makes them not okay, no matter what. It is not a kindness to such animals to keep them living a life that is terrifying or upsetting to them. I know that my trainer friend understood this, but it still broke his heart to do it and he has said it will haunt him for the rest of his life.
Thank you for the heartfelt comment. Never the happy choice.
This is what no one has dared to say, and you did it beautifully. Good on you!
Thanks, Ann
Sometimes, there is nothing else to do and we, as a member of the species that is supposed to know, must put our feelings and beliefs aside and do what is necessary. Necessary for our protection as well as to protect others when they can’t protect themselves.
Agreed. Putting the animal ahead of our feelings, not easy at all. Thank you, Susan
Absolutely well written article from the heart….. I must add one thing….. as a severe chronic pain sufferer (I must take 9 different meds daily, I endure extremely painful spine injections every 3-4 weeks) there are days that I bang my head against the wall just to have a “different pain” to deal with…… the pain has made me into a person I never wanted to be….. I’ve become “mental” at times, so if I can experience that, why can’t a horse go “mental” from pain??? Pain is pain no matter the body it ravages…… so I believe pain can certainly drive severe behavior issues in horses! We as the “brain” of every relationship we have with our animal friends, must ALWAYS remember the last gift we can ever give is to let them go with dignity and grace, let their last days not be their worst, let them be released from their Earthly pain whether physical or mental! God bless you for such a loving article!!!!
Oh Amy. Thank you for your comment, your understanding is important for us to hear. Pain is pain no matter the body it ravages… Best wishes for you.
My horse would have been put down several times by different vets about 10 years ago. He had panic attacks without any reason, separation anxiety and seemed depressend and in pain (headshaking) when not panicking. After 1.5 years I insisted on one last test: Borna Virus Disease. And this came back positive. He was treated successfully, normal behaviour came back. Only the headshaking did not go away. But without beeing ridden, he lives a very good life now. What I am trying to say: Borna Virus (although not very common outside of Germany), Borreliosis and Herpes should always be considered when there are no other explanations for weird, abnormal behaviour.
Thank you for this information, Franziska. I’m glad you found an answer for your horse.
Based on the number of comments, this topic is clearly one we all find difficult. Thank you Anna, for your honest perspectives. Sadly I have made the decision to let go of beloved companions with intractable pain more often than Mother Nature has taken responsibility for the deed. In my brain it always felt like the right thing to do,but in my heart a painful loss. I try to remind myself of the Greek word root of euthanasia “good death” , and to know in my soul that there are worse earthly things than death. Thanks again Anna for taking on such a tough subject.
Great comment, Laurie. Words matter, that can change perception. In dealing with a parent’s impending death, hospice explained that “terminal anxiety” was a thing. Lousy name for it, but the anxiety of being aware of the process the body takes. My mom was afraid of what was happening as her body was failing. She managed to die in her sleep, it was a “good death”. And why do we take the blame that nature deserves some of the time? Why do we take on fights that are not ours? Is there a thing more ordinary and natural than dying? Thought provoking comment, thank you.
Hi Anna,
I’m a new reader of your blog and started with “Behavioral Euthanasia of Horses”. Sigh. Not at all a low point in reading but an enlightened one, one that will help many, two and four-legged. I think by re-hashing and discussing an often “taboo” subject folks will feel more comfortable when the time comes to make the decision And be able to live with that decision after the goodbyes are said.
Thank you.
Oh my. Sandy, of the thousand past blogs to pick from, this isn’t the most fun, but I agree… talking about it makes it a bit less scary. Thanks and welcome!
Sitting in my barn on a beautiful spring evening finishing up reading the comments. Looking around at every one who lives here in various degrees of good health. Today we are all having a good day! I am incredibly thankful for everyone’s heart felt words. Incredibly thankful for the animals in my life. Thankful that while I can’t afford a huge surgery vet bill I can afford to keep my crew comfortable untill they are not able to be. We all do the best we can. I wish peace for all of us humans in our daily decisions. ? TAZ
Amen and to you. Thanks.
And Thankful that today I didn’t face the euthanasia question. How are you today is formost in my mind of the 5 horses, 6 dogs and 8 cats in various degrees of health. So today was an excellent day! ? TAZ
Yay, win-win!
Thank you for this article and insite, very well written. I have been a foster for a couple of rescues for the past 4 years, I have rehabilitated over 35 horses many which were starved, I have seen a lot of serious behavioral problems with the auction horses that were being rescued. We’ve heard it all from the railbirds (most not knowledgeable when it comes to equines) criticizing the rescues for euthanizing dangerous horses, when all things are ruled out sometimes it is just necessary for the safety of all involved including the horse, these are usually the same people that think rescuing is saving all horses and that is just not possible, rescuing horses is doing what is best for each particular horse many rescued with life threatening illnesses or injuries, some with coffin bones dropping through the bottoms of their soles from laminitis and being let down by their owners who are trying to make that last buck so they don’t have to spend the money to have their horse euthanized and disposed of. I am 61 years old and have been around horses my entire life, I’ve worked around just about every discipline in the industry, I’ve seen catastrophic injuries to both horses and riders due to behavioral issues. Sometimes euthanasia is the kindest thing to do. I liked your comment about the horse not thinking of their death, it is not on their minds, euthanizing a horse is a tough decision that is gutwrenching for all involved especially when you love horses and dedicate your life to them. I am currently dealing with my 30 year old OTTB (a foster failure I adopted) that is in serious pain due to arthritis in her neck affecting her back legs and that pain is causing her ulcers, my vet and I have tried everything, we knew she wouldn’t have long but I’ve had her 2 years now. Thank you again for the article.
Thank you, this comment is so important. Euthanizing is never the first choice, it comes hard everytime and I hate having that trivialized by folks who don’t have the guts to do what you do. Thank you for this final home stretch for the OTTB you mention. She says thank you, for what you have done and what you will do. Best wishes, Linda.
One of the two (only) rescue organizations I donate to schedules a day (several times a year) of taking in every horse that is brought to them – many of which they euthanize after a veterinarian’s exam – doing what far too many people refuse to do. They also go to auctions(normally before virus) buying horses, ponies, donkeys who they will rehab & adopt out, but also in many cases, bringing home animals whose only possible way forward is euthanization – the ones that have been trucked from one auction to another too skinny too old or too debilitated to bring a profit. But I guess a few dollars is worth more than an animals lack of suffering.
For programs to spend money to bring home elders or unsound horses and then make the painful, and still costly, decision to euthanize… I have respect for that. Thanks from me, too, Maggie.
Ive been around horses since i was 6 years old now 40. Worked as a trainer. I rescued my a little black arab from a kill pen. Been hard at work with her for six months. I realize there is something wrong with her mentally. When i think we are making strides she does very scary unpredictable stuff. My vet has checked her for pain and found nothing. I dont think i can sell her i couldnt live with myself if someone got hurt or killed by her. There are to many good horses in this world to put up with the dangerous crazies.
Thanks for commenting, JH.
thank you my vet and I decided to put her down yesterday, I poured allot of money into her had her on calming supplements checked her out for pain, ulcers etc. Worked with her consistently for six months, she would be fine one second than crazy the next. I couldnt sell her knowing her short comings plus she was small 13’2 700lbs not suitable for children. She couldnt be tied she would set back lung forward knocking herself out. She came from a kill pen and I think she was passed around allot prior to coming to me. I told my friend my decision she was viscous, told me i gave up on her and that she would have been better off with her and her grandkids. People are cruel especially horse people…….
Well, I wouldn’t say you gave up at all. I would say you saved her. Thank you for that, JH. I know euthanizing is never the first choice, I know she had a history, and I know there are so many unanswerable questions. I know vets can’t diagnose everything. Most of all, I know she is out of pain. She thanks you, too. As for your friend, she may be afraid of death herself. Thank you for saving her children, even if she doesn’t appreciate it.
Just like in the general population – there are a lot of mis-guided “horsepeople” – who do seem to believe they know more than anyone else and THEY can fix anything. I’m guessing this little mare had already been passed along from one after another of those. Like Anna said – the mare is thanking you – shes at peace & thats far more important than somebody who thinks they know better! I believe its the realization that none of us can know everything that does more good for these animals. Theres always so much more to be learned and some humans just dont understand that.
You did the right thing!
awe….. my heart goes out to you xxxxx Just know that there are others out there in the world that feel your pain and anguish and who dont judge nor criticize a decision that would have broken your heart to make.
Thanks for writing this. I’ve got one that I’ve tried everything I could come up with on for over a dozen years. In my research for ideas recently I learned that the experiences she had as a foal (being orphaned at a month old was part of it) is basically the protocol they use for creating lab rats with PTSD. She has injured me very badly, and as her biggest trigger is multiple people, visits from vets and farriers require drugs to keep everyone safe. She’s erratic with the rest of the herd so they just avoid her too. Every time I feel like I’m making progress through desensitization or counter conditioning a leaf blows at the wrong time and we’re right back where we started. Putting on a halter or going through a gate are can be really traumatic events and I gave up thinking she’d be safe under saddle years ago. Her life is perfectly managed to keep her calm and safe. Like the person commented above, I think I’ve just been waiting for a health event that will “justify” putting her down, but in reality that approach means she will have to experience pain at some point in order to give me a clear conscience – and that’s probably worse. The rail birds in my own head are worse than any external voice would be, but the voices that say it’s okay to get on with my life, and ensure that she neither experiences pain, or inflicts it on anyone else are winning out. Your post opened a little more space to believe I’m not a horrible person for this.
So sorry, and yes, the railbirds in our heads are the hardest. I am proud to know that there are people who fight so hard for horses as you do. And thank you, Linda, for the love and commitment you’ve shown her. A gentle reminder, there is more than one kind of healing… Take care.
I have a poddy 2.5yr gelding. It has been difficult from day one. I can share many stories and how the nipping and rearing is part of our days. Sometimes things are great. Most days nippy and full of himself. Tonight I had my car in the paddock whilst rugging horses. When I started to drive off he ran beside the car and then lunged at it with his teeth open and bit at the car. That is not normal. I can make excuses but something in me knows and I can’t stop crying. I love this horse, I have hand raised him but enough is enough. I hope I’m smart enough to make the tough decision.
If you are sure it isn’t pain… So hard with a young horse. Thanks Papg.
As I was crying in bed, like I did every night for the past month, I googled “how do you get over having to euthanize a horse you loved so much”? Miles came to me as my “dream horse”. He was affectionate and sweet. You could tell he never had a real home because he didn’t even know what a carrot was. He was 11 and slowly started to fall in love with me too. I spent a lot of time with him, hired an incredible trainer, who he loved and tried to please. However, there were two accidents, all the same, that we couldn’t figure out. (After many tests and examinations, they couldn’t find anything wrong but just thought because of his size, my vets thought he might be dangerous and could hurt me.) He was a thick, 1500lb gelding buckskin QH. I became afraid but I loved this boy so much. I would make every precaution to make sure I was as safe as possible.
Every night Miles would kiss me on the cheek good night. He would look for my light to go on at 5:00 a.m. He would whinny at me every time he saw me. He didn’t really care about the other horses. He loved me. For once in his life, he was happy. He was with me on my little ranch for 3 years. It is a small ranch I bought with a Lab and another horse.
On 4/17/20, his stablemate got sick and needed to be put down. On that day, I made the decision to put them down together. It was the most difficult decision I have ever had to make in my life. I sat by his body until it was removed and just talked to him. Since then, I have cried every night. The decision was controversial even though it was mine to make alone. No one loved him more than me. Of course, everyone had an opinion, that I never asked for….
Now, I live with a broken heart, a quiet ranch and will miss my boy forever! I still say good morning and good night to him. I sit in his stall every day and read … but I think it was the right decision. I just hope I can see him again someday.
Thank you Anna. Your article was written for me. I needed to hear your words. People that don’t know horses, don’t understand the loss.
Sorry for your loss, Kim.
Just know that those three years mattered to him and certainly to you – that you could show him how it SHOULD be. Just hearing about how much affection he had for you makes clear exactly what you gave him. You & I and everyone here knows there are so many horses (dogs and other animals) that never have to opportunity to know that. I dont absolutely KNOW that there is such a thing as a rainbow bridge but I sure do want to believe it – I hope its true because there are so many animals who lived with me over the ;years & I want to believe they are there waiting for me – everyone of them.
Thank you Maggie.
Thank you for this write up. I see I am late to the comments but found your post through Google. I am struggling with making a decision about an 18 year old quarterhorse we have owned for 8 years. He has always been a little timid with others but fairly confident with his person. Over the past year, he has had two serious head injuries in his stall. One cracked his cheekbone and the latest was a headlong high speed launch into the stall door, leaving him with several serious lacerations and a hole down to the skull. He’s healed now, but is constantly on edge. He has exploded several times from the littlest provocation over the past month. He eats fine, sees fine, has no motor impairment, but is just not right……very anxious all the time. If you didn’t know him, you’d think he was just a nervous horse. I see a horse who can’t get the zombies to quit talking to him. I have had horses for decades and his current state is the first time ever I have been worried about my safety working around a horse. I know what the choice is I have to make, but he’s so pretty and has a shiny coat and maybe if I (insert suggestion here), he would be fine. But I don’t trust he’ll be fine. In all my years of horses, this is the toughest spot I have been in. Thank you for your writeup.
Yes, this kind of decision is the hardest. Younger but not okay. I’ve evaluated horses with possible head injuries and it is so hard. Our research into this condition is spotty. When is a horse a danger to himself and others? Best wishes to you on this path. He is blessed to have someone willing to ask the hard questions for him. Best wishes, Robin.
Hi Anna: I just wanted to follow up on my horse I mention above. In July of 2020, I made the decision to euthanize him. Because I was wary of his mental state, we proceeded with the euthanasia with extreme caution. I had really wanted to find someone with a captive bolt, but was unable to locate the service near me so we went with chemical euthanasia. My vet, who had been one of many to handle this horse over the years we owned him (he did not like vets or really anyone who looked like they might be going to mess with him…except me…I was ok), commented that when he went down, he went quiet and calm, as if he was finally so relieved that I had figured out how to release him. It was very hard but absolutely the right thing to do. Thank you again for the writeup. It helped me tremendously.
I’ve been through so many euthanizings, I have seen what you mention. I think that moment of release is a gift to both them and us. Thank you, well done.
You are the one that has to make this decision – hard as it is. I have very little horse experience when compared to Anna, & others on this blog – likely less than your own. Just feels like a horse thats already timid before these injuries, and now constantly anxious, just waiting for something else to “get” him. I honestly cannot imagine all that YOU are going thru in making this decision, but I’m sure when you decide it will be the right one for him AND for you. You sure do have my best wishes, too. Be SAFE!
Hi Anna, I guess it was time for me to find this piece. I saw the phrase “behavioral euthanasia” in relation to dogs, and looked it up for horses, because this is what I had to do in January after I luckily walked away from another incident with my horse that could have put me in the hospital. In my mind, I know I made the right decision, but in my heart, it’s not fully resolved. We did all we could for him–training, veterinary, dental, superb stabling, daily interaction, supplements, medications–but there was something that just wasn’t right. We couldn’t keep him content. He had chronic anxiety and when he was triggered, which could be unpredictable, whoever was in his way was going to be thrown, or run down. I honestly believe he couldn’t help himself–but that didn’t make it workable for the people around him.
Before we got him, in his 20s, this very well-bred sport horse had already mysteriously ended up being taken off an auction truck, then passed around to multiple owners and situations. I have always thought there was something off in his brain–whether physical or mental–as you say, there’s so much we don’t know about their psyches. I have deep intuitive connections with my animals, and in the “quiet place” you write about, I knew he wasn’t going to improve, and we were all at the end of the line. But I pushed myself and kept trying for a couple more months–and could have lost my life or been severely injured or permanently disabled.
The railbirds hurt a lot–the second guessing, the obvious suggestions, the subtle gaslighting….etc…even from my trainer. When I made the decision, she said it was my fault that he’d run me down, and suggested I pass him on to someone less experienced than me, with fewer resources to help him, who was “determined.” Another person encouraged me to give him to a backyard rescue. I couldn’t do that to him, or to the humans. I felt like a failure, and very alone. As I read your piece, I realized that I didn’t even feel I could grieve or that I deserved sympathy for his loss–because he’d been so difficult yet lovable, so sweet most of the time but dangerous when he wasn’t, and I couldn’t solve the problems, and I gave up on him, and I gave the order to end his life. I might have felt less awful if I’d been able to frame this as “behavioral euthanasia,” or if there were more horse people who would consider the lines of thinking you’ve presented so beautifully here.
But it felt so good to read your piece ten months later, and to know that there is someone who really understands that sometimes mercy is complicated and love and responsibility sometimes feel like the worst decision ever. And to be reminded that perhaps my horse doesn’t hold a grudge, and perhaps he really does understand and appreciate that he is finally free.
Oh, Karen. Heartbreaking comment, and an even harder decision. I hadn’t thought of how this experience would impact mourning him. How can anyone think a decision like this is anything but the last option. Bless him on his way. And thank you Karen. You are the real deal.
Honestly – is there EVER a time when making that decision – for whatever reason – doesnt make every one of us thats had to do it – doubt our decision? No one else other than you CAN make that decision. I think you have to make yourself KNOW deep down that when an animal – any animal – is existing with that much anxiety inside him – he deserves peace. And he has that now. I hope you do at some point, too.
Yep – know it…. bless you sweetheart. We did the same for the very similar reasons about 3 years ago now – and it still has hurt and guilt and second thoughts associated with the memories. Our thoughts are with you!!!
Yep – know it…. bless you sweetheart. We did the same for the very similar reasons about 3 years ago now – and it still has hurt and guilt and second thoughts associated with the memories. Our thoughts are with you!!!
I put my horse down 6 months ago, same situation. The pain is the same as it was that day! I loved my horse so much. It was the loneliest day of my life! Having to make that decision is so hard!! My horse did hurt me and took part of my eyesight away in my right eye but I loved him so much for his calm sweetness that he gave me when he didn’t “bolt”. After having some time to think, I still think I made the right decision. This world is not kind to horses. I would always worry he would hurt someone else and I would never rest knowing he was out there somewhere.
My horse ended his life in a loving home, with someone who adored him and cared enough to take care and protect him. Good for you to have the courage to do the right thing. That wasn’t easy. My thoughts are with you always!
Thanks, Kim. I know you did the right thing because you would have done anything else first.
Right back at you, Kim. Thanks for your kind words. Your horse was a lucky guy.
Thank you so much for writing this piece, I found this whilst searching for some sort of last resort for one of my horses. She has a wonderful soul but she bolts often and it’s unpredictable and dangerous. I have tried everything I can, put money and my heart into trying to turn her around but heartbreakingly nothing has worked. I’m now faced with the only possibility left but I wish someone could tell me there is definitely nothing I’ve missed.
Anyway, this article has made me feel somewhat understood and not alone. Thank you x
I trust that you’ve tried everything. This option is not the sort of thing that comes up easily. I know you’ll do the right thing. Take care of yourself. You are far from alone.
I will never. Ever. “Give a horse a chance” again. Never. Don’t do it people. Especially one with behavior issues. But these days I also wouldn’t take on a young lame horse for any reason. Because the vets will “help you” keep that lane, totally unusable animal ‘comfortable’ for the next 30-30, or more years.
I say don’t do it because I am shocked you could get a vet to euthanize for behavior issues, and I am pretty sure they don’t like to euth young, unsound horses either. They can think of 30 more expensive, labor intensive treatments that ‘might help’ (make the horse pasture sound so you can just take care of it for its entire lifespan).
The vet finally put down my batshit crazy horse, who lived a perfect life at my expense (and if an animal is around I do believe it must be properly cared for), at -36-. They wouldn’t put him down in his early/mid teens, after I’d tried everything, including an expensive trainer who, as it turns out, never rode him. That’s how nuts he was. He just was.
I actually think I want to give that vet an earful Monday. I should hold myself to that. The old guy wasn’t totally without charms. He remembered me after -years-. He loved me, in a crazy horse way. But he probably cost me at least $100,000. I think that is probably way too conservative. It’s probably a lot higher. And the entire time he never did a real day of work. And was a dangerous liability. People want to give me horses and dogs with behavior issues all the time it seems like, and now I am hard. I always find a way to stick to “no, I just couldn’t”.
Until the day comes when vets can diagnose every condition with certainty, and that is impossible at this point, we must have the right to set limits financially and emotionally. Sorry for your experience, and sorry for your horse who was clearly asking for help and probably in pain. That kind of behavior, “bat shit crazy” is not okay on so many levels. I’m so sorry.
Sometimes, we need to just say NO, NO, NO! Although the decision isn’t one we want to make, for our sanity we must and then stick to it. The old saying, “There are too many good horses out there”, is very true. Rely on your knowledge and trust your own feelings!
OMG – sigh… so many social pressures. You are right and wonderful to show the strength to say NO. Hold to it, its most prabably for the best in most situations. You obvisouly have the wisdom to decide the right way in each new opportunity or case presented. I feel for you and have gone through similar – but not as long winded experiences – wishing you the best with warmest regards.
I’m struggling with what to do right now. I have an eleven year old physically sound horse that is too dangerous to ride. He has broken my back, shoulder, and I’ve been to the ER so often they know me. Four trainers have said nope, not fixable, one kept for a year. He has a gigantic spook, bolt, rear that comes with no warning. He looks calm relaxed happy and then boom. I’ve had the vet college CT brain, check teeth, xray all joints, back, neck, US the SI joint, feet are perfect, eyes dilated and checked. We can’t find anything. It’s like he hallucinates then boom. I decided to quit riding him any bought a two year Dutch warmblood who is a dream. The perfect brain, and he just got diagnosed with wobblers. We don’t have land and no one will take the spooker in retirement bc he cribs. I have thought about euthanizing both so I can start over and quit sinking money and hope into two unfixable devastating issues that have destroyed my love of riding. But I love both of them. I can’t afford to board three horses. I feel so defeated and horses used to bring me joy.
Dear KM. Horses are heartbreakers, but I don’t need to tell you that. I’m so sorry. I’ll start by saying, without meeting you and your horses, I can only share things that I know broadly about horses, not specifically about your horse. Your 11 yr old… you are right to not ride him. He has proven to you that he’s in trouble with a diagnosis or not. Cribbing is about anxiety, sometimes gastric pain, and that’s my question. He sounds as if he might be reacting to pain, that is why it seems like he explodes. Also why you’ve done the right thing and had him checked out thoroughly. The vets haven’t found it but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there or that it’s even possible to find. Considering euthanizing him, after all the vet testing he’s had, isn’t crazy. I know you love him… is he happy? Does he hurt himself or is he dangerous around others (I know he’s hurt you.)? I don’t know what you should do but it’s very clear to me that you’ve done your very best for your horse. And you’ll continue. Your side of this is really hard, but his side might be harder. Again, I can only guess, not seeing him. I’m happy to talk if you like. So sorry about both horses. Best wishes.
Thank you Anna, I’m finding comfort as I talk to my horse friends and read your words right now. So many people have been supportive and in my situation have been supportive and even encouraging my thought of euthanizing him, unlike others have posted. I guess that tells me something about him. He has been scoped and no ulcers. I have him on gastroguard in case they come and go and we miss. Free choice hay in nets to keep him busy. He isn’t dangerous to walk around most of the time, but has ripped out of cross ties, spooked walking down the aisles of barn, and thrown trainers so I guess that means he is dangerous, even though it’s hard to say that because he is sweet and kind and never means it. After every episode he is trembling and whites of eyes showing and looks at me like “help, what happened” and I don’t know the answer. It’s so sudden I know it has to be a pain, but don’t know why lameness exam or imaging can’t find it . The poster that talked about her horse with a head injury sounded so familiar. I wish I knew if before i owned him he had one. I only know two prior owners returned him to seller . I stupidly thought love and proper training and nutrition and vet and hoof care can fix any problem. Here we are three years later…
My new baby horse with wobblers is also a hard decision because I don’t know if I wait to let it get bad so it’s easier to make decision or do before signs get bad to prevent that struggle for him. I am leaning towards the earlier rather than later- one is harder on me (doing it when he seems ok) and one harder on him (letting him get bad then doing it). He has never had a hard or bad day in his young life and sees the world as a happy place . I’d like to let him go with that state of mind.
Again, I don’t know what’s right for you… but for my horses, it’s better one day too soon than one day too late. I think it frightens them to lose balance. In the end, it’s about them, their pain and their limitations impacting what it means to be a horse. Take care.
I had to put both my horses down on 4-17-20. It was and still is the saddest day of my life. One horse had an illness the doctors could not identify. One day, he just wouldn’t get up. I think he was going blind because he would not go in his stall unless I led him. I gave it a few weeks and I knew he was not right. He was 19 and had a tough life before me. So I was prepared.
My second horse was a rescue and was a huge quarter horse. He ran into me several times. The last time, on July 25, 2019, He hit me so hard that my retina detached. I have and still have issues with that eye. I was rushed to the hospital because I was unconscious. I thought I was ok when I woke up but my eyes were not because he hit me so hard. He was such an incredible horse other than that. Trainers had worked with him as did I. I have had over 25 years experience with training and Equine Veterinarian Medicine. He would spook and run into whatever was in his way. He was only 12. I had tests, just like you, to see if it was a medical issue. They found nothing.
I decided, at that time, I put the first horse down, even though it was my heart that would be broken, I would never want anything to happen bad to my spooky horse. He might be beaten, starved, or worse….Life isn’t good for equines in some parts of the world. I knew I couldn’t keep him because I was afraid of him at that time.
At the agreement of my best friend and my Vet, we put them both down at once. It was the saddest day of my life. I lost my entire family in one minute. However, it was the right decision because I didn’t want him to hurt anyone else. They are sweet but big animals and we forget, in an instant, they don’t mean to, but instantly kill us.
Today, two years later, I still ache in my heart. I will never forget them and will miss them terribly. I still feel it’s the right decision though. We endure the pain and the loss, however, I know my spooky horse is not being hurt or mistreated.
This is the hardest decision I have ever made but willing to feel the constant loss and hurt, in sake of my beloved horses. Love you Major and Miles!
Thank you for not “separating” them, with one staying behind. Thank you for loving them enough. Thanks Kim
Thank You for this article! I had to put down two horses in less than two years. The first one had a congenital disability that we did not find until she was 11. It caused her spine to rotate, and she could not walk without falling/pain. We tried to save her, but an MRI showed CVCM (Cerebral Vertebral Cervical Myopathy). The vet said there wasn’t anything he could do. After talking with my family and saying goodbye, we put her to sleep before she woke up from the MRI. It was best to let her go peacefully.
The second horse was a gorgeous thoroughbred mare my husband bought. But after two years of training, chiropractor, medication(s), gastro guard, etc., nothing worked! She was a cribber, biter (bit someone in the face), kicker, colicked constantly, and dangerous to ride. She was NOT a happy horse, and we tried EVERYTHING! When the day came and the vet arrived, she was so calm. After the vet gave her the shot, she let out a long sigh, and I saw the relief in her eyes.
I still cry for my beloved horses. But ending their pain and suffering was the most loving and kind thing I could do for them. I had to realize that it was not about me or my feelings. It was about my mares and ending their pain. It is part of having a horse(s) and putting their well-being above our own in this self-centered society.
Thank you for your love and honesty. Your mares appreciate you for seeing what no one wants to see.
This article and the many comments sure hit close to home for so many of us. What Darcy AND her mares went through trying to find answers is really heart breaking. But so loving & caring for those 2 mares. One rescue I donate to goes to auctions & buys as many horses as they can financially care for – that means giving far too many the “last act of kindness” – they have a vet ready at intake – do xrays – exams & far too many times these poor creatures have been hauled to one auction after another – one truckload after another before they are sold. These horses should have been put down sometimes YEARS before! The other rescue takes foals from the wild herds that are rounded up & shipped to slaughter – mostly I think from reservations. She also has horses in bad shape surrendered to her.
Frankly, in the US we shouldnt NEED organizations to care for animals whose owners dont!
Better to have the courage to love them enough to stop their pain.
This helped me more than I could express. Thank you for this.
You’re welcome, Dawn. Best wishes.