@abby
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Hey there, Anna. I just posted two pieces of writing here … and then I wanted to change one of them. Is it possible to go back in and edit something that I’ve posted here? Thx!!
Hi Linda, I’m just catching up to what’s been posted here so far and I love this! Perfectly succinct description of a thoroughly modern (overloaded) brain. And the antidote.
Hope we get the notifications thing sorted…
Good things do take time (by which I mean I have only just figured out how and where to find writing by riders on Anna’s member page)! I just read your wonderful piece, Elaine. It’s kept me company on a sleepless night. I love the idea of writing letters to your horse, and the journey you describe is so familiar. From a little girl’s imaginary pony to the late-stage discovery of classical training, it’s such a raw and heartfelt trajectory. I think “have you tried doing nothing?” is the perfect question. Thanks for sharing this.
Hi everyone…
I met Anna earlier this year when a friend urged me to participate in her equine clinic and the writing day that followed. It was life-changing, energising, galvanising. I was filled with clarity and resolve … and confusion and trepidation in equal measure. How would I sustain the practice of listening deeply, seeing clearly, creating the space for yes, and the courage to accept no? Would I be up to the challenge? Did I have the grit and grace that would surely be required to become a better human partner to my equine friend?
And did I have the nerve, the chutzpah, to begin writing again? Over a decade ago I completed a Masters in Creative Writing and a full-length memoir. In the past I’ve published poetry, personal essays and fiction. I have a children’s novel tucked in a drawer. I love to write, because I love words, ideas, beautiful sentences and cracking good yarns. But I stopped writing, just as I stopped riding when I was diagnosed with a chronic health condition several years ago.
Anna’s clinic, I hoped, would provide a path toward a deeper partnership with my horse. I had this crazy idea that if the communication were better, clearer, I would become a better horsewoman. And this would help lift me out of the crisis of self-confidence that I had found myself in: the anxious brain, the chronic doubt. The panic attacks that held me back from relaxing on the ground and in the saddle. The same self-doubt that had also stilled my pen and snuffed out my words.
My one ridden lesson on Anna’s clinic was transformative. Having watched my horse turned out at liberty the day before, his keen intelligence and sensitivity on display, I managed to climb over my fear and into the saddle and with the encouragement of all the participants and auditors, I found my Beyoncé hips swinging to Chico’s walk and, letting his mouth alone, I rode those beautiful teardrops, breathing in time and gently massaging him round the loops.
The following day I surprised myself in the writing workshop when a fully formed story rolled out of our first free writing exercise. And I listened, often moved to tears, as the same magic happened all around the circle of writers.
At the end of three remarkable days, I took my horse and my notebook and went home.
And things started to unravel.
Mind you, everything about my interactions with horses, and my awareness of them, has changed, but back at the home barn, my dear friends were eyeing me suspiciously and struggling to understand what I was on about. To their credit, they have tried and there have been some ‘aha’ moments. There have even been some small, incremental changes in the way horses are approached and handled at our little farm. I’m hugely grateful that my people are open-hearted, and I trust I can be an advocate with more clarity than before. A friend who keeps her horse across the road and uses my facilities became frustrated when she couldn’t get her horse to relax and accept the clippers. He was a snorting, anxious mess at even just the sound of them. She told me she was going to have to resort to a technique called flooding — essentially forcing the clippers on him relentlessly while restrained until he would give in (shut down, learned helplessness). I said no, not here you won’t. And she capitulated and took a slower, calmer approach. It took time, but she and her horse came to an understanding in the end.
So, what’s the problem? Me. Despite my successful advocacy for the horse who was afraid of the clippers, I lack self-confidence and I often doubt myself. In the absence of a cohort of like-minded horsewomen, I feel my nascent understanding beginning to erode. When I am interacting with my horse and have problems, it’s all too easy to hand him over to a more experienced friend or simply fall back on older style answers (negative reinforcement, dominance behaviour) to get results.
And then I feel like a failure. And so it goes, wrapped in that familiar old bathrobe of circular thinking. The one that gets me and Chico and the rest of the horses exactly nowhere.
And I’m still not writing. Well, not until today.
So I thank you if you’ve read all this and I’ll just hit the Submit button quick-smart before I re-read and chicken out. I find so much solace and inspiration being here.
Hi everyone. Coming late to the party, but I would like to join this group. I have been writing off and on for many years … poetry, short fiction, memoir … even dabbled in writing for children. I’d like to develop more of a discipline for writing and, most importantly, start writing about my life with horses. Taking some quiet time this afternoon to read through the posts here …
Hi everyone, I was so fortunate to be on a recent clinic with Anna in New Zealand. I’d been reading her blog posts for some time — the idea of consent-based interaction and training with my horse really appeals to me, but like all new ideas, seemed overwhelming. Hard to know where to start. The clinic kick-started me and gave me a few really fantastic tools (calming signals / language signs, leading from behind, mindfulness, the power of breath, and channeling my inner Beyonce — I’ll tell you about that one day!). I have never interacted on a website message board — really! I don’t learn well from videos and I am easily confused from too much input. I have an older brain (61 this year). So this is also an adventure. I am surrounded by very kind, earnest, dedicated horse people, but I am the only one pursuing this journey. Most of my friends think I’m mad. So I need support of like-minded people to stay on the path. I have a groovy little NZ Warmblood, 15hh, 16 years old. He was someone’s pony club pony for several years before he came to me a year ago. He is very safe and has lovely paces and natural cadence, but has a lot of anxiety around the bit. I am stiff and tight as a result of having an auto-immune disease. I work on myself and my flexibility constantly, but still I block my little horse when I ride. Through both my hands and seat. From Anna’s clinic, I learned some new ways to help me unblock — and when I do, it’s like magic, my little horse goes so freely. But like all new things, it comes and goes. I’m looking forward to being here with all of you. I have no idea how to share a photo!!
