“You’re not wearing that, are you?” Voicing her anxiety
first, was my blouse revealing something more than
unconventional taste? Welcoming me back after a long
absence, “I suppose that’s real,” she moaned at my
unnatural hair, her frown lingering down to my sandals.
She repeated her lifelong fear that people would think
I didn’t have a mother. I answered by having no children
who might embarrass her. After I flew to her home to
drive her to the doctor, navigating her last days, her talk
turned to reading street signs. “Wilson Chiropractic,” she
announced in a cheery conversational tone. She was
small now, strapped in the passenger seat, her shoulder
angled so she could look away. “The Flower Box.” She
didn’t want to pull over. Just to decorate the air with
disjointed words, satisfied that each location was passed
by, then adding, “Mel’s Plumbing and Heating Repair.”
…
Anna Blake for Relaxed & Forward
Want more from this horse trainer who writes poetry? Visit annablake.com to see all my published work. Look for a new offering of poems to be released this fall entitled Horse. Woman.
hmmm, for some reason this made me weepy. wonder why.
No answers from me, pondering it just like you. Thanks for reading, Emily.
This made me weepy too. Mothers and daughters: it’s complicated.
Truth. Thanks, Liz
This could have been a conversation that occurred between my own mother & her disappointment of a daughter. Not that she didn’t love me. She didn’t understand how I could NOT wear frilly, sweet, cutesy clothes nor spend hours on my curly hair nor paint my short fingernails a pretty red color. She loved me and we moved on.
Glad you made peace of it, thanks Karen
Forgive me for intruding on your memories…This photo, however, is bitterly beautiful.
Suits well, I think. Thanks, Lynell
Sounds so like the relationship I had with my mother. It seemed like anything I did was not ‘good enough’. Very sad.
or maybe just missed the expectation? Thanks Susan
My mother to a T. Except I had 3 kids – one of whom she had little use for…
Sigh. Thanks, Leslie.
Mothers & daughters – not always easy.
I wonder if she thought she had a choice? Thanks, Maggie.
I was unconventional and she never understood especially about the horses but she loved me. This brought that back.
Glad that it didn’t obscure the love. Thanks Mary.
Reading all the wrong signs. Sigh. An intimate look at the universal. Thank you.
What I hoped… Thanks Linda.
Not to sound different, but my mother thought I could do no wrong. Loved me unconditionally in spite of our being very different. Corrected me but never put me down. As for my daughter and me – very best friends. I know how fortunate I have been. I truly do. I haven’t escaped the “slings and arrows” of a bunch of decades of life, of course. Just glad I had supportive mom and dad who gave me something to fall back on. I wish that for everyone. Anna, I wish your mother could see you now and know the difference you make in this world.
Jean, unconditional love is a beautiful legacy… thanks for commenting.
She was worried what others might think. You concern yourself with what the animals are thinking. Thank you for helping us to share in that,
Interesting thought, thanks, Judy
I am hosting a party that my dying father deemed necessary. His long time cronies were coming for a last visit. I have been helping him die for only three of the eight weeks he has. I retreat to my bed room, change into fresh clothes and…sip a bit of wine. My mother is standing in her kitchen and gives me the once over.” I just hate that color”! “ and you are not wearing a bra”? I give her a smile without eyes and as I turn to answer the door mutter,” no panties either, ha”
Oh my.
Commitments.
Big sigh, and a hug.
Thank you always.
Thanks, Deb.
Yes, exposing the myth of mothers. The reason I chose to be childless.
Perhaps the origin story of all origin stories… Thanks, Annie.
So did I eremophila – I call it childfree, and am having no regrets
This hit my heart. In trying to reason this relationship out I wonder if her mother was very critical of her? Perhaps that is the only example she had to emulate? Thank you for writing about all you do, it always seems to bring me to being more thoughtful.
My mother had problems of her own; there is always a story behind a story. Thanks, Rose.
Just like my relationship with my mother – I was never good enough, not meeting her expectations…I suppose just like her mother saw her. To this day she does not understand how I tick, quite sad really. It helped me to put half a world’s distance between the two of us. Beautiful photo Anna – also reflecting the moody weather I am experiencing in Australia at the moment.
Thank you for commenting, Connie. No one in my family were all that comfortable with themselves much less anyone else…I wonder how many of us feel “known” by anyone??