Jolene’s Makeover Challenge for Animal Professionals

This week was our last appointment for puppy shots. My vet has a bustling office with three people at the front desk and a few vet techs always circling through. We’re only part way in when a chorus of voices calls her name, some singing the chorus of her song. They are loud and happy, transforming the office into the TV bar, Cheers, and I want to yell, “Norm!” Jolene leans in and flattens her ears. Then the wagging begins. The cheers aren’t for me, but I can’t take it personally. Mister and I sing her name when she comes charging into the house with a tree branch.

While we wait to get called back, two techs peer around the entry door and whispering, “She’s so cute.” Of course, Jolene pulls toward them, wagging like a trout on the sand. She likes this game. If Mister was here, we’d both roll our eyes and mock-lip sync the compliment, tilting our heads sarcastically. Mister and I are a laugh riot, but it’s all cheering to Jolene.

My vet uses a lick mat, so Jolene doesn’t notice the shot. She gives the pup a physical check, just like the last visit, including the dreaded check of her puppy teeth. All the time with gentle hands, praising her with sweet talk. Jolene is flirting back and I can’t help remembering so many hard decisions we’ve shared over the years. The time my cat was in for a routine dental cleaning and she called during the procedure to explain, with great sadness, that the actual cause of his problem was worse than a couple of rotten teeth. Euthanizing was necessary. Her voiced cracked as she asked if I wanted to come say goodbye first. I told her to let him go, kinder to not wake him up for me. Today, she isn’t in a hurry to return Jolene to me and we linger, chatting about spay research. It’s a good day. Puppy shots are about the best appointment you can have.

Did you see the news this week? A woman who founded a rescue ended her own life after online harassment. She was a mother, a wife, and now a terrible statistic. I did not know her, but I mourn her.

Stories of losses in the world of animal professionals because of compassion fatigue are too common. We have the jobs we dreamed about as kids: veterinarians, advocates, trainers. It’s a privilege to work with animals. But we pay a price beyond the countless hours of learning and gaining experience, and all the business challenges. We do our best for each client. It’s not just a job title, it’s who we are. It’s our name out front. A perfect target for bullying.

I think of the work accomplished by this young woman, as Jolene runs up behind me and body slams into the back of my knees. Her ancestors were herding Viking cattle a thousand years ago, and she’s working on her technique. Mister has that long-suffering look. He is one bitey-face away from losing it. We’re smitten by her, outlandishly patient with her. But sometimes I give her a flyer from my pile of junk mail. She trots her prize out to the yard to shred and we sigh.

I learned patience working with horses, but I need it more working with people. Exhausted at the end of a stressful ten-hour day, I know one word taken out of context and social media will light up. Because finding fault and tearing others down is always easier than building something good. I’ve faced online attacks. Rage acted out as publicly as possible. One nasty insult leaves a mark deeper than all the gratitude and praise of many. I want to tell the woman’s bullies that misunderstandings happen. Complaining is fair. Lynching is not.

Still thinking about bullies, I take Jolene out for a beer. I call it socialization, sitting in the shade sipping a local brew while Jolene greets more adoring fans. Will a puppy tooth draw blood? No, the girl gang isn’t looking for fault. Thinking of the challenges my previous rescue dogs have suffered, I want better for Jolene, so I answer their questions, as they coo to her.

At home, I continue watching her learn instead of drilling training exercises. So many of the failed expectations and early training foibles that grow into full-blown issues are because of simple immaturity. With horses, their riding lives are so short that we start them before their bones have matured, causing physical damage and emotional stress. Anxiety that could have been avoided by waiting for the horse to be mature enough to understand the question. Instead, we scare babies with discipline and fear.

Now Jolene is screeching because Mister has a pile of chewies in front of him and she is certain they belong to her. It’s a tantrum that’s gone on because I’m teaching a class online. I’m not sure they can hear me over the soap opera that is my current joyous life. Class ends just as a storm arrives. I’ve got chores to do and the chewy wars must wait. Jolene follows me out of the house and into the purple thunder and gusting wind. Unflappable and tiny in the unfolding natural disaster, Jolene squatted into the wind and pooped. Atta girl. And it seems like a message.

Cyber bullying is so effective because it goes beyond the schoolyard and into our private places where it’s easier to give into guilty pleasures. Bullies build themselves up by tearing others down, and infecting those watching. They might make the first cut, but the smell of blood attracts us. We swarm to cruelty faster than kindness can dilute. Bullying is mental junk food and who can stop at one chip? Soon we are cynical, sharing more delicious nasty rumors than good news. Dogs have evolved more than humans. They are quicker to wag.

As I come back to the house, I notice Jolene has begun an archeological dig in the backyard. She has uncovered what appears to be the remains of an ancient roast beef and she’s settled into the mud for tactile research. Backyards are a universe of their own and, since I have no lawn, I say go for it. She always stops when I say good girl.

Jolene bonded more with Mister at first, but now she is seeking me out, flattening her little ears and asking to sit on my lap. She settles in to watch horse videos as I prep for my next class. I think I see glimmers of maturity. Along with a couple of adult teeth.

What’s the solution to all the stress and bullying? We could hijack those colt-starting contests and mustang makeovers that are more about ego than skill. Instead, hold challenges for animal caretakers and trainers. It’s hard to get us to take a day off work, so the first event is showing up. We would “compete” from chaise lounges with our boots off. Contests might include an afternoon nap, without our cell phones, followed with ice cream. We’d listen to horse-crazy girls give book reports on Black Beauty. And watch young foals, puppies, and kittens frolic while learning herd or pack behavior. We’d take a lesson from nature, while resting in the quiet joy of letting them be themselves, not needing to conform to our standards. In the end, we’re all winners, because we’re reminded of what we loved in the beginning. And because self-care is more challenging than our work. The makeover wouldn’t hold the drama required for good social media fodder. That’s the downside.

Finally, back at our vet appointment. Jolene and I run the gauntlet back to the front desk. I put her on the counter to get my charge card, and someone comes to ask if they can take Jolene’s photo for their puppy pin-up page. Sure, I nod and am handed a release to sign. Jolene is carried off without me. I settle the bill, chat with the front desk folks about my little Viking, and set the next appointment. A few minutes have passed, we’re finished. They thank me and I continue to stand there. They thank me again, dismissively this time. I stand there, seeing the question form. Why are you still here?

My dog, I say. Just then, they bring Jolene back, wagging her tail at me this time. Seems it took longer because she insisted on helping with the sign and then made off with the pens.

Part 7 in a series. (Here’s Part 1 and Part 2 and Part 3 and Part 4 and Part 5 and Part 6)

…

An audio version of this essay is available to subscribers on Substack.

Find Anna Blake and The Gray Mare Podcast on Substack or BlueSky social media. Contact me directly at annablake.com.

My books include three creative nonfiction books, two memoirs, and two poetry books. Available at all online booksellers, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and signed copies from me. Please consider leaving a rating or review.

Join us at The Barn School, our social and equine educational site, with member sharing and our infamous Happy Hour. Everyone’s welcome. For specific horse training advice, search 1500 essays archived on my website. Want more? Become a sustaining member, a “Barnie.” Subscribe to our online group and support the best bunch of like-minded horsepeople anywhere.

Ride for a new brand. Find our Relaxed & Forward and Undomesticated Women swag at Zazzle.

Women Aging Cantankerously