The autumnal equinox is about change. There’s a miserable fog today, dense and so uncommon on my high prairie. Chilly enough for a sweatshirt, the dog bellies are all muddy, and the geldings are fracking about. If there is a New Year, this is the time to note the old year. Fall is a season … Read more
When it came time to say goodbye to my dressage mentor, a trainer that I’d ridden with several times a week for five years, she cried. I was surprised. I knew I would; she’d changed my life. But I was a bit flattered that she cared that much. By the time I got to the … Read more
What is it about horses? I think I might have drawn them on cave walls at the beginning of time, already a legend to deserve the honor. Horses have been with us ever since, our lives depending on them much more than they needed us. Nothing about that has changed. We are hooked and we … Read more
Walking the Dog There was a message on my phone. My dog was ready to come home, they said. It was just her ashes, they didn’t say. Never one to be put on a shelf, we took one last walk together around the farm, her cremains, I guess, tucked under my arm. She usually bounds … Read more
We’ve been having llama line dances here for over twenty years. It happens at dusk and it is boundingly beautiful. The llamas and I have hiked the trails, ground driven in harness, and competed at Llama Agility. Then we turned around and the llamas were the favorite “obstacle” when we did horse agility here on … Read more
As if struck by lightning, the horse died; a clean and horrible quiet. No diagnosis, no cure, no negotiation. The reluctant but permanent truth that no amount of flapping emotion can change. Held long in the instant of being cleaved in two, stripped bare in the flash of change. Not touching the dry ground … Read more
This perfect horse of yours has been with you since he was young, or you got him near retirement, but he taught you the best of what you know. Maybe he was your first horse or maybe he was one of many in the course of your life, but this particular horse just … Read more
No more lingering in the melon-colored dusk, grazing late to the barn. The pasture is finished, even the weeds only skeletons. Overnight, the horses prefer barn-stored hay in the windbreak of a south-facing barn. The light drops fast, blood-splatter leaves in a green hedge. Pried from my hand what I hold dear, instead wrapping … Read more
Stay outside until the sun is low, reluctant to let the day end, tidying halters, raking loose hay into stalls, dragging my feet. Not ready. Just that this sweet ordinary day, this warm season, will soon be carried off in the wind, gone to seed. Loosening my grip from what I know will be … Read more
Walking the Farm
Grappling with the Infinite through a peep-hole in my speck-of-dust life.
Temporary light, forever with us.
Trigger warning: The peaceful passing of a well-loved horse.