When people talk about the romance of farming, I think they’ve watched too much TV and read too little Steinbeck.
I grew up in a dictatorship. It was a farm in Minnesota ruled by my father. People don’t get rich farming. Decisions were made for our survival, not the animals. We ate what we raised. Nearly self-sufficient, there was no room for waste. We didn’t keep older animals. We killed mixed-breed lambs and drowned litters of kittens. I don’t remember ever calling the vet. Once my father killed a dog in front of me, saying I ruined him for sheep herding by playing with him. I was 45 when I found out that dog had brought down a sheep. In other words, my father killed two birds with one stone.
But don’t feel sorry for me. I was that little girl who talked back and thought she was as good as anybody else. I didn’t behave like they expected or wanted. In those days, it was called being a tomboy. My father and I were in a constant fights about animals, and when I got older, politics. Farmers are conservatives mostly. It used to be the party of the self-made man, the rugged individual. Think old west.
Oddly, I took a left turn in catechism class. What can I say? Like my friends, I dreamed of being a nun. It was a short-lived fantasy, they didn’t have horses. But how could I resist the parable of the sheep and goats? Eventually I left that church and I spent my Sunday mornings singing hymns to my horse. My ideals of love and compassion stayed on as my excuse for rescuing animals. I grew up watching John Wayne and fell in love with the handsome man in Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner. I got complicated. To my family’s horror, I became a liberal. A damned peacenik. Some teenage girls think their parents don’t know them at all. Mine did.
When we’re kids, adults are always telling us we’ll grow out of everything we dream about. That at a certain age, we’ll get a proper job, have babies, regret our foolishness and get normal. That we will put away childish things, as they say. Even as a kid, I understood that violence (what we now call fear-based training) didn’t work on animals or little girls. I never outgrew my spiritual beliefs or my politics. I continue to talk back. And I still routinely grow out of my jeans.
They call farms like mine a “hobby farm” and I’m not kidding myself. “… many farmers in the US rely on off-farm jobs to supplement their income, with roughly 85% of family farmers relying on other jobs to support their livelihoods.” (Ambrook Research, Sep 29, 2022) I know I’m a total dilettante because my farm is a democracy. We all get a vote here. Let the horses run, let the dogs bark. I call the vet whenever we need one. We celebrate useless animals and we never eat anybody. And we keep the warmest stall for rescue elders who get a one-way ticket to this rickety little farm where even the feral cats are fat and shiny.
We aren’t old style though. We stay up to date with current science to improve the lives of all the animals here. I’m an affirmative trainer; I wage peace like a pinko lefty. That’s a joke, but not really. It’s the sort of heckle that I get sometimes. Critics agree with my father that I’m too soft and train like a girl. I don’t wear the right hat. Cowboy tradition dictates that we should dominate and demand respect from horses. It’s more than that. Americans love the cowboy culture. Western movies and rodeos with boots and spurs and bucking broncs. It has even been a recurring theme in American politics, often used to project a conservative image. Sometimes it’s even been used to describe foreign policy approaches. Politicians and money people don’t want to be cowboys, just dress that way.
Hear me out. I have been careful to use the terms conservative and liberal because we disagree on philosophy. Training has been a debate in the horse world since the Greeks and Romans. It’s our tradition to be divided and divisive. We nip at each other’s heels, but we share a grand passion for horses.
While we were building fence, comparing saddles, and bickering on social media, the minority with money set too many of the rules. A certain sort of person who sees horses as an elite sign of wealth. They are able to dabble, might not ever ride, but still dominate our industry without restriction or oversight. The affluent who see horses as a beautiful creature to bet on, to be entertained by, to use up. Sound familiar?
It feels like we can’t fight the money establishment who control the industry, while the rest of us feel the pinch as hay prices go up. We’re busy doing our best for horses and protecting their legacy. Horses didn’t invent computers, but they carried us to this place in human evolution. Even if horses have outlived their historic usefulness, we remember how we got here. Is that conservative or liberal? Or have ordinary horse owners become irrelevant?
Well, what do politicians and millionaires know? They think animal lovers are sissies and out-of-date losers. That those of us that live on the land, know the Earth as a friend, and put food on their tables are useless as a lame horse. Maybe they think we will become doormats to be muddied on the way to an AI driven autocracy where the rich get richer and we can’t afford to plant a garden or keep a dog.
They are obviously wrong. Rugged individualism and self-reliance aren’t conservative catch phrases. They are the survival skills. We may have hat hair and muck boots. Wrinkly skin from days in the sun and dirt under our nails. They may dismiss us as horse-crazy girls who have gone gray-haired and irrelevant. But we are wolves in sheep’s clothing. Children of the immigrants who built this America. And we have mucked out worse than them before breakfast.
I wonder what my father would think if he were still alive. He was proud of not voting for Nixon but only because he voted for George Wallace. He thought I was worse than foolish to own horses. But he also saw a bit of himself in his wayward artist daughter. Our pioneer forebears taught us both to be independent. I came to respect John McCain for crossing the aisle and my father voted for the liberal in his last election. What would he think today, my father, who was a WW2 veteran? I think he might agree with Cory Booker.
“If America hasn’t broken your heart, then you don’t love her enough.”
…
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Oh Anna, this was heartfelt and marvelous! Hang in there and dust off your protest sign, even if it takes the form of a typewriter. At this perilous time it is even more imperative for us all to buckle up and stand up for what we believe in.
Amen, Lee. It’s windy here on the prairie. You can hear me better through my typewriter!
Oh my, even though we have never met we grew up in the same family! This is one of your best writings yet!
My sister!!! Thanks, Rose.
This struck a chord with me, Anna. It’s hard now, but we will soldier on hoping for a better future and making the present as bearable as possible. Breathe with your animals for me. My beloved dog unexpectedly crossed the Rainbow Bridge Tuesday night and I am just trying to get by, on my own, until another one steps in to help me through life. I find comfort in the sisterhood I feel with you, though. Thank you for sharing.
Oh, Jane. So sorry for your loss. Horses are great but dogs are our heart. Here’s hoping the wait isn’t long. Thanks, and take care.
I love this! This will be brief., as we FINALLY have Internet connection and are waiting for the solar panel repair guy to show up and he will need it. We are on our ninth day without power. No power for the well, no power for heat, thousands of dollars of mostly meat rotting in our freezers and refrigerator despite packing in as many ice bags as we could fit and never opening the door.
We’re having to dip buckets out of our pond/stream to water the horses. Thank goodness, we have a structure we can close them in as the electric fence obviously is not working even the line that is hooked to a solar panel isn’t hot.
We’ve been here 4 years, almost immediately purchased a solar array and had it installed, and it has been nonfunctional for those for four years. The company we bought it from went bankrupt. We still have hopes that the guy coming today can get it going.
I’m mourning the loss of both my pear trees, Seven of my favorite apple trees, and hundreds of Birch Pine, maple and oak trees. A huge tree came down on one of our outbuildings and damaged the roof. I have no idea how much coverage we have on that honestly. I know the food in the freezer is supposedly covered, but I don’t know to what value. I am wearing four layers of clothing, the Gas oven is the only heat in the house, And we are blessed that it is keeping pipes from freezing I guess. Last I looked it was 34° in here. The bedroom has a Southeast exposure and I’ve got The curtains pulled back so that we get some solar help. We have two down comforters and three quilts on the bed, and the dogs are underneath them.
Thankfully, we were able to buy drinking water At atown about an hour and a half away. My husband is surviving on lunchmeat sandwiches, which I can’t tolerate. I can’t remember the last thing I ate that wasn’t Crackers and peanut butter or cheezit crackers from our pantry. I did find an egg today hopefully I’ll find a few more. The girls are confused and not laying in the coop, but wandering the yard and laying them under The pine trees. I think they don’t like the coupe without light in it so that’s why they’re outside 100% of the time now. I hope I can recover them all when this is done.
Best wishes, prayers, hopes appreciated for getting the solar Working today. Not sure how long the battery will last once it is functioning. Bought a brand new 6500 W generator and my husband got it Unpacked, and started yesterday And unfortunately, it runs like a top consuming gas, but doesn’t charge anything. Getting a hold of A local person to look at it is impossible. We had to drive 2 1/2 hours one way to purchase the generator and it took us two trips to do that. The lines along the shoulders of The road of people waiting to get into Gas stations reminds me of the gas shortages in the 70s.
Gotta go running out of power on my iPad and my phone is charging in the truck right now.
Shelley, you are amazing. Not that there is much choice, but still. Here’s to things getting warm soon, one way or another. Here’s to our pioneer spirit and chickens that don’t quit either. Thanks for sharing with us, and take good care.
Anna, I am in no way amazing, but thank you.
(we were forced to come to the grocery store so I can use the Internet connection here.😉)
Service man for our Solar left and told us that if things didn’t work in the morning, we were probably SOL.
But he’s really bad news was that we apparently we’re under sold the number of panels we should have and even if it does come on in the morning, it will only be things, NOT to include our heat or water.
Just one of those things I wish I had known more about before we made the commitment. I was gonna say live and learn, but at 65 years old, I’m thinking I don’t need many more of these lessons, do I?
Hubby has returned. Off to a store that can sell us some drinking water.
Good ever-loving heavens, Shelley – I hope there has been a bit of light at the end of the long tunnel you seem to be traveling in! Boy, are you lucky you have dogs to warm your bed!
I bought a generator several years ago – there have been several stretches of days without power, but this sucker is like a miracle!
Hope to hear things are improving.
Good on you, Anna. I, too, would vote for and support Cory Booker. Really hope the ‘orange goon’ would just go away!
Thanks, Susan. I can think of conservatives I would prefer.
Wow – great essay. Thank you for sharing a bit of your formative environment. I too am uncomfortable with the conservative vs liberal label. They are deliberately used to be divisive when we actually all want the same things – decent healthcare, an opportunity for a living wage, and a safe place to live with good educational options for our kids. I would also add a respect for science and an urgent concern for the environment. I’m sure your WWll father, as did mine, rolled over in his grave upon hearing the disparaging remarks heaped upon John McCain. Being a woman of a certain age I have seen a lot. I look in my mare’s eyes and tell her this too will pass…I hope.
Oh Deirdre. Such a perceptive comment. I agree.
Sooo much to chew on here. And maybe to cry over.
My dad was a WW2 vet as well. I’d love to know his opinion right now.
In the meantime I’ll continue to traipse through the mud and muck on my own little place, and keep loving this beautiful creation (and the folks I respectfully disagree with).
God bless your strong, bold, soft, seeing, resilient heart.
And yours, Jill. Thank you. Here’s to our fathers and maintaining the right to respectfully disagree.
I’m with you, kid. I loved this piece and am another liberal who went my own way. The Cory Booker quote made me weep today. Thank you once again for your wisdom and insight, and for being a role model for critical thinkers who love horses.
Thank you so much, Pat. We are all patriots.
As always, thank you! I needed to hear a sane voice today.
Thanks, Toni. Somedays I feel more sane than others…
If you do embrace bucking the system and being your own quirky self, I would think that y’all would be rooting for the current president who is obviously no politician but wants Americans to thrive!
Hi Sue – as one who was born and raised in NYC I believe I have better knowledge of the current president’s motives than most people who are only taking him at face value. Please be a critical thinker and research his business practices, his bankruptcies, his moral deficiencies, his untruths and especially the people he defends and surrounds himself with. I understand this is not a political forum. But they who do not know history…you know the rest.
Well, it’s that left turn at catechism class. I care about others, especially veterans and those with less than me. I know this is a controversial post for a horse trainer, but I love my country. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Sue. First amendment.
Dear Anna I knew I loved you for a greater reason than the obvious. It wasn’t just because you’re the best story teller I’ve ever read. Or the kindest, smartest, horse person I’ve ever looked to for guidance. It’s because all the intelligent, beautiful empathy that comes from you originates in your liberal heart. I’ve always seen myself in you and have been inspired by you. Not as smart about horses as you are or as brave to do it all alone like you did, but absolutely the same overwhelming love for horses and animals and the desire to defend the underdog in every situation. Thank you for this article. Love, love, love Jeanine
Jeanine you just took the words out of my mouth. We love Anna!
Thank you Jeanine. You are kind, but I don’t think for a moment that you are not brave. You have a horse.
Ditto, ditto, ditto
(we were forced to come to the grocery store so I can use the Internet connection here.😉)
This post should come with a trigger warning.
When I read that sentence about your father shooting the dog in front of you because you’d “ruined” him, my breath stopped and I had to lay my forehead down on the kitchen table for a while to get it back.
I was also a daughter who talked back to a violent bully of a father. Standing up to such a frightening human being is how I survived, but it also took a terrible toll on my nervous system–to this day, as I near 70.
I’m curious what you would say is the reason that we tomboys didn’t capitulate to the family narrative. I have always wondered what it was in me that enabled me to be that strong and stand tall in the face of such a tidal wave. What was it in you?
Thanks for commenting, Alice. There is a trigger warning, the first sentence. I think all of us are stronger than we know. I’m 70, too. Therapy is great, loving nature does the rest.
This old cowgirl loves this post, as always! I hope all is well with you, Anna!
I just love you, Barb. Give my best to Ann.
Oh Anna, it is interesting that we both found our way to a liberal viewpoint via religion, then left organized religion. I grew up going to Sunday School and Church every week, and internalized the message of love and caring for others. It amazes me that people who profess to be Christians use their religion to exclude and vilify anyone they see as “other,” which seems the opposite of what Christ taught. For me, it is all connected, caring for other people, animals, and the earth. In these difficult times, it is only those connections that allow me any sense of sanity. There are a few voices in the desert that I am clinging to, yours is one of them. Then there are people like Heather Cox Richardson and Cory Booker who give me hope.
Thanks Peggy. I have gone to a few churches since high school. There are still good ones out there.
Thank you Anna for todays special essay! It was a revelation about your childhood. I am so glad you do what you do for all the animals and especially for the horses. I have used your calming lessons everyday with my old mare, Cricket since I incurred her wrath by taking away the only friend she ever had, Charlie, and sending him to Old Friends Retirement Home for Racehorses in KY. Everysince he has been gone she and I have been at odds and I don’t blame her. I miss him just like she does. It is said that all horses need is Food, Freedom and Friendship which she had for 5 wonderful years. Now she only has food as I turn her out by herself and she usually just takes a slow walk around and then waits at the gate for me to bring her back to her paddock. She has a neighbor (a Hinny) but until Charlie her previous owner said she never got along with any other horse! So this 22 yr old mare who used to follow me around and was the most docile horse you could ever want, acts like I am her worst enemy! Eventually when I turn my back on her and “breathe out” loud enough that she can hear me from far away she comes creeping up behind me and puts her head down so I can put her halter on! I try not to explain to her how sorry I am for both of us that Charlie is no longer with us but sometimes I can’t resist and I do. Unfortunately at 80 yrs old I could no longer afford or had the stamina to take care of both horses. I was lucky that Old Friends accepted Charliebasvthey usually take in only very special horses that have won the Kentucky Derby or very big races. Charlie us only 18 and, I hope, has many yearsvto live. Cricket, I adopted, as her previous owner wanted to get rid of her as she was lame and could no longer be ridden. She had already attached herself to Charlie and I didn’t want to separate them. It turned out no one else wanted to adopt a lame mean old mare so I had to keep her. Although she is boarding at a ranch, I do all the care taking, mucking, feeding and pay for all her food. I pay the ranch to have a place for her to live. We have been through an episode of colic an Ulcer, 2 abscesses and many Vet visits since Charlie left. As I try to figure out if she has some physical reason to be so upset with me. The Vet can find nothing…maybe after reading this long narrative you might have some suggestions as to what I might try to change her attitude, besides bringing Charlie back or finding her another friend? Thank you for reading my story. I have taken the Calming Classes and I join you when I am able to with the time difference. I am in the desert in CA if you remember.
Hi Nancy. Of course, I remember you. It sounds like Cricket isn’t doing so well. It’s hard to not have a herd. No other pens she can be in at that barn? With the health challenges, I’d sure try to get her somewhere with friends. Horses are herd animals before human companions. Sorry I don’t have a better idea. Good luck.
Hi Nancy, in the interim, while searching for a friend for your mare, I have an idea…when my gelding seemed on edge about everything with a poll as rigid as a board and nothing a vet could address, Equine Daily Gold was recommended for possible ulcers. It’s made all the difference…he’s nice, interested, he listens, stands still for grooming and happily saunters over when I show up. Here’s a link on Amazon, but you may also be able to find it locally. https://amzn.to/3EgeQzu
I am so very sad that politics and shaming have seemed to find there way into everything.
I agree, Kathy. We should do better.
“I wage peace like a pinko lefty” might just be my next tattoo. That one line made me smile bigger than I have in weeks. I look forward to your post each week and love your books. Big fan.
Okay, that made me laugh out loud. Great idea, my father would love it! Teeheehee. Thanks, Stacey
Yes
Thanks, Billie
Oh the memories of fathers hoping their creative, headstrong, horse-crazy daughters would grow up and finally become compliant before marrying “the wrong guy.” Oops. His final assessment of me: “The gaping hole in the fabric of the family.” Guess we’re gonna need horses for sure after that…
Well, we will make our way in the world, as we must. Thanks, Michelle
The current political (humanitarian) crisis we’re in is not about
left vs right,
blue vs red,
coast vs flyover,
urban vs rural,
liberal vs conservative,
democrat vs republican,
democracy vs fascism,
non-christian vs christian,
black vs white,
immigrant vs citizen,
straight vs gay,
woman vs man.
It is about
have nots vs haves,
generosity vs greed
and moral compass vs UTTER LACK OF MORAL COMPASS.
I cannot remember a time like this.
I don’t remember it, but 1930’s Germany comes to mind. 😬
AMEN!
I love this post So Much!
Thank you for all you do!
Thanks, Kathleen.
let’s get mucking! thanks Anna!
Yay, Patti. Bright and early.
Thank you for sharing yourself here. I loved this. In this divided society I have noticed that those who treat people and animals with empathy and dignity also lean left politically. I grew up in a church where the people I’ve kept up with on social media I don’t recognize anymore. I grieve for them and our country right now.
I don’t know that, but I know how we treat animals is how we treat people. People are harder! Thanks, Faith.
Yay, Anna ..well-done ! You know me well enough to know.how similar our childhoods were, especially around animal issues. So I resonate & appreciate this essay today.
Thank you, my sister. Kinda proud of this one.
Wow Anna, I sure appreciate you.
Thanks, Diane
Wow – love this one! Brings tears to my eyes.
Thanks, Karen.
Thank you, Anna. Yes, we are in trouble as a nation…
Yes, Verna. And we are not giving up…
Anna: I sure appreciate your thoughts and writing. My parents felt I was too independent in my thinking and behavior, and my mother was very critical of me.
They also didn’t understand my love of horses. Well, I’m 78 now, and haven’t changed my thinking about fairness to people and animals. Today I will be going to a demonstration and spending time with my horse.
Thanks, Maureen. Maybe the spirit of nature is bigger than humans. Hope so.
Thank you. Exquisite post.
Nice of you to say, thanks, Carol